Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Growing older, and the Pursuit of Happiness

I've often wondered the meaning of life .
Isn't it funny how when growing up, we want to be older then we are? I remember when I turned 4 yrs old, how old I felt. Then came the thrill of being 2 digits old, the big 10! Then a "teenager" at 13. 16, 19. I think all through my 20's I was more absorbed with raising small children(I had my 3rd at 27 yrs old).
I was appalled when I realized my 30th birthday was approaching. I would no longer be in my 20's! This was a hard time for me.
Shortly after turning 30, I left my childrens' father. I knew at this point there was something huge missing from my life. I wasn't having a life. I was existing with another person, who was probably as miserable as I was. I was strong enough to end it though.
A short few years later, I found myself in the same place. Another child, and a man who drove me insane. In fact a worse situation then before.
Now here I am, at 41 years old, ready once again to find not only the meaning of life, but to pursue my own happiness..
I cannot regret my life or choices, I've made, bad or good. I look at it as a learning experience.
What I've learned is this.
No other person can make you happy. It's up to yourself. Be happy in the choices you make for you. Live for YOU. All else will fall into place if you do this. Your children will be happier also.
I have a feeling the next 10 years will be great!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

2 more weeks until I move..

I am so excited about moving.
Some of you know how often I have moved the last 8 months and why.
In Dec I moved to a small town. What a nightmare.
On Christmas Day, the furnace in the rented house died. After constantly being put off by the landlord, finally after 6 weeks, I called the township to report it. Within a week, we had our furnace.
So decided in the meantime to find a new place to live.
Ended up moving across town, to the only apt available in town I’m sure. Ok, enough, I guess for young people to live in. Not me though. No storage at all, tiny cupboards, just terrible. And only 2 b rooms!
Aside from that, my 14 yr old son, and my soon to be(in 2 weeks) :) ex, fight constantly. I have to say my son is the more mature out of the 2.
So my son has taken to spending most of his time at his friends’ house. I feel so bad. No child should feel so uncomfortable in their own home.
I now truly understand how much I have let my kids down, by allowing this whole situation to even happen. And yes, I do blame myself. I could say I should have done something about this long ago. I had tried a few times to change things. But how soon we forget…
So since April, shortly after moving here, I’ve been working with some people, to help me find a new place to start over. Just me and my kids.
Found out a few weeks ago, we had a place! I went to see and I love it!
Its’ huge, 3 bedrooms, tons of storage, 2 bathrooms(imagine 2 bathrooms for 3 people)! And dishwasher, that I know I will be making good use of!
We will be near shopping, grocery stores, movie theater, schools, everything you could want. Plus the beach is very closeby! Oh how I have missed seeing water. lol
I have big plans for once we move. But I think the best thing I am looking forward to, is having a place, where all of my 4 kids(and other halfs too), and my Grandson, can live/visit without the stress of feeling the need to walk on eggshells.